Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Silver lining to recent Jewish School fiasco!


Friendly public service announcement!

After months of frustration over administrators of yeshivos and day schools who ruthlessly ousted children from school because they weren't compliant with mandatory vaccine schedule which includes Hepatitis B, I just realized that I had it all wrong.

Instead, I'd like to publicly thank these administrators for their wonderful honesty.

By expelling our children over lack of immunity to Hepatitis-B with such furious and brutal urgency, the administrator was surely alerting us that there may be unprotected fornication and unsafe intravenous drug use going on at his school.

They were concerned that our children are at risk for catching Hepatitis B by being in their schools!

Thank you to all those school administrators for letting us know what might be going on in your mosdos, and for so diligently working to keep our children safe.

Thank you for your altruism and honesty, and for alerting the public about what is likely happening on your school grounds!

I am compiling a list of all these administrators and schools, and will happily share the list with all as a helpful community advisory.

We can now understand the wisdom of these devoted administrators: they wish to protect our six-year-olds from the grave danger of catching a STD at their school.

How dare those errant parents not vaccinate their toddlers to protect them against this very real threat!

No wonder those responsible administrators sent children home, to shield them from the very possible dangers lurking in the classroom!

How irresponsible of those misguided parents who refuse to protect young Mendel from getting stuck by a dirty needle while shooting drugs in the school cafeteria, apparently a real and present danger there!

(Seems that this indeed occurs at their mosad. They should know…they’re the administrators!)

If these unreasonable parents don’t like it and don’t wish to vaccinate, then let find new schools! Or let them make their own schools in which six-year-olds are NOT at risk for catching an STD at school!

All those darn anti-vaxxer parents... Who do they think they are, anyway!?... How dare they think they're entitled to have an STD-free school!?

Well, there you have it, folks.

The silver lining of this whole saga. Go find a safer school!

The silver lining of this whole saga. Go find a safer school!

While this harrowing new discovery about Crown Heights schools is disconcerting, and surely provides new convincing argument that any parent stupid enough to send their child to such a mosad, certainly must take any and all precautions against STDs, including vaccinating for hep B... it still seems cruel and unfair to punish child if such measures are neglected.

Thanks to these administrators, we can now understand why מוסד (mosad) has the same letter as סדום (Sodom).**

* this is a parody. I was JUST KIDDING. My apologies if anyone found this offensive. Anyone, that is, except for you clueless administrators. I found what YOU did to be deeply offensive and reprehensible, and in truth, it is NO laughing matter. There is NO reason on earth to ban a child from school because s/he isn’t immunized for Hep-B, or any other vaccine for that matter.

** Source: Shem Mishmuel, quoted recently by R' YY Jacobson.

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